life

has been pretty cool recently.
I really like my job.

Karl and I went to niagara falls, it was cool. I think we're gunna go to the bahamas eventually. i really want to go in october, but neither of us will ever have the money. but for now, we'll just save and wait. then we can spend a ton of time at the beach.


This is hardcore is so soon, then im going back to MA to get rid of my car, poor car, i love it dearly but its not needed so its going to spend a bit at my parents house.

karl looks grumpy right now, but im not sure why. maybe hes just really serious.

Buffy

I have become obsessed with watching buffy the vampire slayer. I feel like I am ten all over again, but thats cool.

its all i do when im not at work, but it makes me take my mind off things which is neat.

changes

Well, once again, i havent been here for a while.
Last week I moved to chicago, I live in a nice apartment right next to the park. Though i wouldnt go to the park at night time, its really nice during the day.

Sometime last week karl and I broke up, its the weirdest feeling. Losing a boyfriend and a best friend at the same time. We may have had our fair share of bad times, but doesnt everyone? We definitely had a lot of good times together. Ive been in a really bummy mood since he left, but hey, things happen, maybe its for the best. Who knows. Im sad, but trying to keep a life moves on attitude.
We did a lot of fun touristy things before he left which was really cool. We had a lot of fun even though we werent dating anymore and it made me remember why I love him so much.
The last day he was here we went to the "beach" it was so cold but we still had a lot of fun.
This is the last picture we'll ever take together, we look so happy, its kind of a bummer. But, im trying to keep a "life moves on" attitude.

But hey, good things are happening too! I ended up getting a good job that im really excited about and now im a lot less stressed about money. I have a lot of friends here and im just genuinely happier than I used to be.

Its been a while..

I dont even remember the last time I updated this.
Ive been so stressed about moving and finding a new job.

Jamie and I applied for an apartment yesterday and the landlord denied us because "the dog is too big" its a real bummer. It was near the lake, near the metra, it would have been perfect. but no, now we're back at square one.

seriously, how could you deny this fella

tattoos>paying bills

I decided to get my elbow done today. I figured it would tie my arm together a lot better and that way i could not get tattooed again for a long time (due to me moving) and it wont look like im missing something.

Spring break is over

Im so sad I have to go back to school, at least I only have a few weeks left.
For spring break karl came down and we went to disney. It was seriously so much fun. 80 degrees and sunny everyday, what could be better?
though, i must say it was really expensive. I put my rental car on my credit card and our park tickets/hotel were paid for in advance and I still managed to spend around 500$

That was the first time karl had swam in the ocean since he was 5.

I also managed to gain 4 pounds on vaction....just to find out our treadmill is STILL broken and might be for a couple more weeks. ugh.

Saturday

As usual I have to work all day today/tonight, but at least I have all next weekend off and ill be in florida.

Unfortunely Karl didnt get any hours at work this week...and even though that means he wont have much money for our trip.....im really excited.
He was supposed to get here next friday (the 11th) but seeing as he doesnt have to work I convinced him to come monday for my birthday! Im so excited. Two whole weeks with karl.

I ended up renting a car for three of the days we're in florida so we can drive to the beach and stuff. Underage surcharges suck.

It hasnt been my week

Anyone who reads this probably thinks im really whiney, but I promise im not usually like this.

As expected I failed my math test yesterday. Then I got yelled at by a cop, who was standing in the middle of the road as he screamed at me because I didnt see a guy who had just stepped into the cross walk....3 lanes away.

Well, today I started packing for florida because I leave in two weeks and needed to know what I did or did not have to bring. Well, turns out the weight I gained looks a lot bigger in summer clothes. I dont fit in my shorts anymore, well, they fit, but my stomach looks weird.
Ive been dieting but nothing has changed.
I just want to lay here and cry. I dont even want to go on vacation looking like this.
Then my mom has the nerve to tell me every day about how big she feels weighing in at 127.

You know what I hate?

Lots of stuff, but mostly math.
As a requirement for graduation this year I had to take either a science or a math class and seeing as I suck even worse at science than I do math it was my only option. My teacher is an old man who just talks and talks about nothing and no one actually learns anything. So, needless to say, I have only attended two out of at least six classes because I deemed it a waste of my time. However, I also havent been doing the homework because I couldnt afford the book. They wanted us to buy a brand new edition for 70$ and seeing as I definitely dont have that much money I waited and ordered the older edition for 10$ which was cool, but it just came in the mail and now im way behind and the test is tomorrow.

The last few days have been pretty rough, after feeling like my heart has been stepped on for the last few days, I called out of work tuesday so I could sleep and got called into work today because one of the other supervisors was sick. Seems like my life. Sitting in class kills me because my mind wanders and causes me to dwell.
However, after talking to a friend tonight I feel much better. I dont talk to him very often, but I do hold his opinions very highly and I wanted to know what he thought I should do. Oddly enough he told me he had been through the same thing and kept his relationship, it grew and now its better. The trust comes back and you cant hold things over someone. Something that happened almost 8 months ago, should have been told to me 8 months ago, but seeing as it wasnt all I can do is move on, forward.

Speaking of moving forward, in slightly more than three months ill be living here...

Its times like these

where I wish I had a puppy to cuddle with.
For the first time in a while, im really sad. I wont go into details, but being lied to is one of the worst feelings in the entire universe and now I realize why Sammy said those awful hurtful things to me last year when he found out I lied to him. Karma's a bitch I guess and this time it came back to get me.
I feel kind of lost, my eyes are swollen from crying.

I cant help but wonder, how long does it take for someone to get your trust back, if at all?

good good things

So Karl ended up missing the train to go home the other day and stayed here for another two days. I think he intentionally missed it so we could keep hanging out, but who knows.

So now that my arm is almost healed I can finally post pictures.
A few months ago, maybe september, one of my friends, who had been tattooing for a few years, tattooed my arm. I want a lady who looked happy and said girls just want to have fun because thats kind of how ive been living my life for a while. Unfortunately, she didnt look the way I wanted her to look at all, I was so sad. Im not saying hes a bad artist, he did a heart/lock in my ditch and I love it. I tried to have him fix her, but she still wasnt the way I wanted. So after months of debating what I was going to do with her, it was even at the point where I considered getting her covered up, Ian Dana agreed to redo her for me. Looking at his portfolio I cant think of a better person to do a lady and if he hadnt been in Texas at the time I probably would have had him do her to begin with.

Getting her redone....sucked....I dont know why, maybe because he had to re-go over every line that was already in her, but it hurt a million times worse than the first time I got her done. I was supposed to get my elbow done in the same sitting as well, but he said I was bleeding a lot more than usual so he didnt want to keep going and I was in a lot of pain so i didnt want to sit any longer either.
Heres before and after pictures.

I like her so much more now. After I get my elbow done we're going to fill in the rest of my arm with that purple color. The fact that its almost done is so strange. Though part of me is considering now finishing it yet because I really want to save to get a puppy when I move....in 4 months. I guess I'll wait and see what happens. Theres really not much more left to do though.

Valentines Day

Though, I still think Valentines Day is kind of silly, I had made Karl come visit this week so we could do something fun. I knew he didnt have any money so I planned on taking him to the aquarium. It was almost 50 degrees in Boston today! Perfect dress with a jacket weather and we even got ice cream and ate it outside.

I got pink sprinkles on mine because I had seen a little girl eating some as I walked into Quincy Market and thought they looked really good, plus, theyre bright like my hair so why not. The ice cream was good, but that was the smallest one they had to go in a cone...which is kind of ridiculous and I ended up throwing part of it away, I really just wanted to eat the cone. It was good, but not worth 7$, why would anyone want to pay that much for soft serve ice cream?

The aquarium had the biggest lobster I had ever seen in my whole life, he was fantastic. I overheard the lady in the aquarium saying that when a lobster changes shells it eats its old shell in order to help keep the new shell healthy, but she said it isnt like a snake that just sheds its skin. It sounds weird, I need to google it. I was always under the opinion that their shell grew with them. Some lobster fan I am, huh? All I could picture was a lobster walking around with no shell on, it would look so weird/gross.

I dont know how well you can see him, but thats him above my head...just to give you an idea of how big he really is.

Karl was a sweetheart and took me out to dinner. We went to dennys. There was no one there, seriously, who goes to dennys on vday? its like the least romantic place ever and everyone has the impression that vday should be special and go out to eat somewhere nice/expensive. Well, luckily for Karl im not that kind of girl and I love dennys. I know, weird.

We came home and took a long nap, dispite my efforts towards waking him up a million times hes still asleep which sucks for him seeing as he was supposed to do laundry tonight. I havent even given him his gift yet, i got him a bag of the new pizza flavored doritos and some reeses. I couldnt give it to him this morning because I didnt have time to fill out the card. Its kind of a silly gift, but I know he'll love it.

Im going to be so bummed tomorrow when he leaves, but at least we're going to florida in less than a month and I get to look forward to that!

Breaking out

So, for the first time in a long time, I went to a show last night.

Well, was more like dragged by Karl. I honestly cannot even remember the last time I had gone to a show. I've let grown up life take over. I was pretty hesitant on going because I knew I'd be stuck hanging out by myself all night seeing as, as some people may have noticed, the group of friends I used to have before seems to have disbanded and now everything is filled with awkwardness and avoidence. Oh well, things happen I guess.

The show was really good, I got to see a lot of people I like a lot and havent seen, such as Jon Cen and Future Breed Dan which was nice. I had never seen coke bust, but they were great. Kids went nuts for basically every band, even vaccine, which even though Ive only seen them a few times, I had never seen before. Ive always been bored during their sets because no one is ever into them.

Today is my moms birthday which is nice, but it means ill never buy her flowers for it because of how much they cost week of Vday.

For the superbowl last week she bought a 55" 3D tv and in addition to that added a bunch of chanels we never had before. One of which has one of those tattoo shows on it. Kat Von D was on and my dad mentioned how many tattoos she had. My mom said she thought they were all disgusting. You know, the whole "girls with tattoos are gross" mentality.

Then she made a joke about how she bets I think that when I move to chicago I can tattoo my whole arm.

If only she knew....maybe someday.

Times are changing

So the other day Karl and I decided hed come visit almost a week earlier than we had planned to come. He didnt have work, so hey why not? He can sit online at home.....just like he can at my house except this means a whole week full of sleepovers.

In some sad news my dog died today. I was expecting it, but not as quickly as it happened. If you knew my dog at all, he was an old dude, almost 14. He had a skin condition that was making his hair fall out, he smelled AWFUL, had really gross growths in his ears that caused him to go deaf a while ago....it happens in cocker spaniels. Im pretty sure that if anyone had seen him over the last few months they would have thought we didnt take care of him because he looked so awful. BUT he was just an old dude. I feel the worst for my dad, a few months ago his mother died, and now the dog. Not that theyre on the same level, but the dog was my dads best friend in the whole world. Id wake up some mornings to him singing songs about the dog. Hed bring him on car rides everyday and hed always make sure the dog got something good for lunch whenever my dad ate, whether it be soup or a hamburger that my dad would make special just for him. Did I mention we have one of those electric fireplaces that we had on the floor near the dog just so he wouldnt ever get cold?
He was a good guy, even though he couldnt manage to walk up or down stairs anymore I know he was still happy. I could tell every time I walked into the house that he just wanted to have someone talk to him. Ill miss him a lot.

In more positive news, after lurking/talking to Caitlin and this cute girl, I decided I needed to order a wig. I cant dye my hair because of work and with the reviews they give I decided why not. I got a lot of shit for it because it was so expensive. But honestly, I think I will wear it almost every day. Im in love.

Welcome to the weekend

My plan for today was to work, come home, work out and then catch up on some well needed sleep, however those kinds of plans never follow through and I ended up at work for 13 hours.

Over the last 6 months I've gained 10-15 pounds which breaks my heart. A couple years ago I lost almost 40 pounds and I was so stoked, so gaining any of it back kills me. Over the last three weeks I started eating really well and working out, for almost two whole weeks most of my diet consisted of salad. I don't know what my deal was last week and started picking at snack foods like cookies, my favorite, not even eating more than like a bite, and now I weigh another pound more than I did before I did three weeks ago when I decided I needed to get back into shape!

When I lost that weight at first I was so motivated. I lost it so fast and didn't even consider eating junk food. Realizing how hard it is now makes me really upset.

Valentines day is next week and I borrowed a dress from nikki, here's hoping I can get it to fit.....or work out hard enough that I lose 5 pounds this week.
How am I supposed to work 33 hours between today and Sunday and still have time to work on getting in shape? Im tired just thinking about it.

I never thought I would make a blog.

So far this school semester I have gone to two days of classes thanks to the never ended snow storms we've been recieving here in Massachusetts. As of last week we had recieved 60 inches of snow in 30 days, AND we just go more yesterday.

The snow banks surrounding my driveway make it look as if I live in antartica.

Its my only day off work this week and because I dont have school I'm just going to hang around the house all day, which means I get to hangout with this friend....

This is Tobey, hes a sweetheart but because im a bad rabbit mom, I havent had as much time as I used to to hangout with him. I still bring him plenty of snacks to eat though! School and work take up a lot of my time and when I moved back into my parents house my mom insisted he live in the basement. Days like today though I let him come hangout in my room. Hes a trouble maker, my dad calls him Houdini because he always finds a way to escape from his house. As soon as he gets in my room he wants to eat my books, I think he knows hes not supposed to and just thinks its funny to make me mad. For the same reason he likes to bite my socks and pant legs....when im wearing them, then he runs away because he knows he'll be in trouble. He'll come back and do it again though, not the best kind of game.